Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
