He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize