That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found the puke drawer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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