high people should be assigned attendants
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
