new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
