just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
