I bet he comes in French.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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