My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
