It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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