areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
