You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
