How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
