you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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