i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
