I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
