All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
