i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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