see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
