Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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