We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
