so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
