I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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