didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
