I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
