It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
