Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pappa wants mamma naked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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