I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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