i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
