I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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