We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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