I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
