the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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