I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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