I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
