Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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