i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize