I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
