And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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