I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
