so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
