oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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