Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
