OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
