she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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