We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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