it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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