who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
