85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
