she woke up with a sticky ear
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
