shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
