If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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