I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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