No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
