she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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