so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
