I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize