Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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