If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
