The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
