Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize