dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
