woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
