i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
