do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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