either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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