guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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