i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
