I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
