Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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