Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
