Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
