She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
