he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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