I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
